Life itself
It all begins with a creeping thought: “Am I making enough money?” I mean, I am educated, I did the college thing, the grad school thing. I work the 9-5 job. I have health insurance. I have a nice house, and I’m working to pay my vehicle off (car notes are the worst). I have two wonderful children and a husband who works hard and loves us all. I have so many blessings, blessings too numerous to count, and still I find myself crying at night because I have creeping thoughts. “Am I making enough money? Why can’t I put money in savings? Why can’t I pay off my credit card bill? Will I be able to buy Adeline and Ellis vehicles when they start driving? Will I be able to help them with college?” I mean I know they’re only 1 and 3 right now but guys, don’t those creeping thoughts win sometimes? Especially at night. Instead of resting for the next days responsibilities, we instead rush and rush our thoughts and allow them to build into anxieties.
The purpose of this blog is just to say…same girl same. I have these anxieties. I swear I get stressed out at least once a month, worrying about the cost of day care, or if I should skip the hellofresh order this week. I think we just put so much pressure on ourselves and we forget or even feel guilty for wanting just the extra bit of monetary cushion each month. It’s not bad to want more money, right? I mean it certainly feels like it would make things a little easier and less stressful, but here comes the mom guilt. “Why am I constantly wanting more when I am already blessed with so much?” NAIL ON THE HEAD for me ladies/gents. I just want all of us to know, myself included that it’s ok to want to hustle for more, but not at the expense of losing our sanity or sacrificing more time away from our kids and husbands/wives. I mean listen, one time I got so stressed that we weren’t going to have money left after all of our hurricane repairs (thanks hurricane Laura) that I actually updated my resume and interviewed for a second job in a home health company after I worked all day! I literally went into this interview, gave an award-winning performance, but when the lady asked me how many hours I could contribute each week, I was stumped. In my Hannah head I was thinking oh yeah I could give 2 hours each evening, but then my Mama head reminded me that I’m already rushing to pick up those sweet babies of mine when I get off after my full days work because I’ve missed them so much all day. How on earth did I expect myself to sacrifice MORE time away from them? Not happening. I politely thanked the interviewer for her time and explained to her that I was happy to have made a contact and that maybe sometime in the future we could work together. She smiled and told me “You enjoy those babies mama”.
We put so much pressure on ourselves ya’ll. We’ve all read the facebook posts. How do we expect ourselves to have the kids, go back to work, come home and teach the kids to live, love our husbands/wives, cook dinner, exercise, shower, sleep enough, spend time with our parents, go to the grocery store, etc. etc. etc….AND the newest responsibility…Come up with a killer side hustle. Well, killer or not (lol), this is my attempt. I’m not someone who thrives on sharing my emotional struggles, but I’ve started this blog as an attempt to make some passive income, yes, but also to live out the title of my site…I/We get to experience alllll of this…this life, this beauty, this love, this world, these children, these relationships, these friendships, these memories, and on, and on, and on, and Oh Wait…Heaven too?
We are in it right now ya’ll, my husband Victor and I, we are in the glory right now of sticky fingers at the breakfast table and bubbles spilled over the side of the tub. We are in the chaos of the messy cluttered house that is filled with joyful sounds of laughter and songs from Frozen II. We are living right now and striving to soak up every single second, and I often wonder, Lord, how can it get any better than this? And his sign of love on the cross reminds us that yes my child there is Heaven too. If you follow me and let go of your creeping thoughts and anxieties, you will experience all of the beauty of this world, and live forever in Heaven as well.
I am in constant need of reminders of how blessed I am, and my prayer is often “Lord thank you for this beautiful life, and forgive me if I am not often thankful enough.” I’m wanting also for you my reader to take hold of this mantra as well. All this & Heaven too. This is my attempt at branding (lol) I have made a logo and put some merchandise together after following some helpful instructions from a guy on tik tok. Go buy a shirt or phone case or something and help me spread the word on all of these blessings that we have, and let me know how i can make things even better!
—Han
